goals

Only a few more days. Have you ever felt that your days were numbered. Maybe the night before you final exam, or the day before your cellphone bill was due. I hate this vacation time. I feel trapped and sufficated doing nothing.. My job is to eat and sleep twelve hours a day. I start to lose ambition and motivation. There are things to be done, but nothing is time sensitive. When I'm busy my day isnt run by the weather, like it is now. When something needed to get done I had to go out and do it rain or shine. Now I look outside and plan my day. Will I go by the lake, will we go to the beach, or will we watch a movie. It took me two days to get all of my hanging strings pulled once I got back from DC. I realize now how much stimulation and stress I need to maintain my health. I need alot. This fall I will be taking eighteen credits, be the ICAA president, fencing club, work study jobs, enviromental club, STI, and other things that I cant remember now. (Or dont want to). I'll be a senior, then what! How will I be next year at this same time. How will I keep myself just as busy as I will this fall. Last semester I would sleep 4-7 hours a night. I would complain that there werent enough hours in one day. I hope I will be active next year. I will volunteer and be a leader in my community. It might prove to be more challenging, but next year I will come back to this post and remember what I'm capable of.

I was reading my old posts and it seems like it all happened a few hours ago. My last post i guess i was pretty angry :). I was in washington dc all last week. I was soo happy there, it is one of my favorite cities. But this time it was different. I grew alot since my last visit, in fact if i could change my past, i would have liked to go to dc after alaska. in alaska i grew personally-within. in dc i grew outside-my image that i displayed in front of people. I think it would have been an easier way to mature, but life isnt made to be easy i guess. While in dc it was hard for me to adjust to the fast pace. The metro and its speed, the sidewalks and its characters. It was hard for me. The diversity of alaska was also missing. I missed seeing all the diversity.
I remember once i got off the plane my mentor called me. 'Remember your not in alaska anymore, you need more than bug spray.' Yeah dc is ruff, but to a young person its great. dc is for the youth and made by the older. alot of the important people-who are older-naturally-work and run the city. when city creates alot of stress, tention and anticipation that the youth squeeze out of at night. Clubs, cars and monuments.